Thoughts 0044

There it is again that same old feeling. I know it all too well. It’s getting tiring. I don’t even bother with it anymore. It feels normal, like I’m always gonna be feeling this way. Kinda sucks but I can’t do anything about it.

I was thinking about the quote “curiosity killed the cat” and how much it applies to me. It sucks honestly, knowing things you don’t want to know. Sometimes you find out because you’re trying to find out but sometimes it just pops up out of the blue. That feeling sucks you know? When you now know something you didn’t want to know in the first place. Or something that didn’t help knowing at all. I’m not even making sense. I need sleep.

Maybe this is what sleep deprivation is doing to me. Ugh school tomorrow, I hate it I just want to get out. But it’s never ending. College is already stressing me out and I haven’t even started yet.

I was just looking back and thinking about all the “friendships” I’ve had in the past. None of them were really true. I kinda just keep things to myself. I have “friends” from school but they’re not really my friends. They’re just people I talk to or hangout with during school. When it all comes down to it I’m by myself. I guess I’m okay with that. I don’t have to tell people about my issues. Its really none of their business anyways. I mean I have a person close to beomg a true friend but the communication sucks I never bother telling her anything anymore. We both got our own lives to worry about.

Really I never had that type of friendship, the tells all your problems to, no secrets, irreplaceable type, no one else above you type friendship. You know the kind where you’re there for each other 1000% And never lose contact.The type where you’re so close you’re basically the same person.

The type where you’re never gonna feel replaced or forgotten because you’re the only person they treat that way. You’re the only person they tell their problems to and you give the same amount of effort on both ends. But then again I never really had that with anyone. It’s okay.

Weird though it’s daylight savings why do we even do that? It’s so lame I feel like the US only does it to be extra.

Prom happened on the 11th of march, last Saturday. I had fun, was with a different group than last year. Finally went with a person I wanted to be with. Good times.

Not so good times, I can’t sleep damn. My mind is so awake I don’t know what to do. It’s always like this. The bags under my eyes are turning into luggages.

I don’t wanna deal with anything honestly I just wanna chill. Ugh I wish 0059

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